Personally, I adored this dress. I thought I looked like a farm rio princess. But then….came her. A woman maybe ten years older, the kind who marinates in bitterness like it’s perfume. The most passive aggressive, narcissistic little screecher you ever did meet. She gave me the full up and down, the kind that could peel paint as she hissed, “Wow you look like a cupcake.” For a second, I thought she had to be talking to someone else. I even glanced around, waiting to see a true frosted pastry in the room. But no, just me. I tilted my head, locked eyes with her, and said, “Whatever do you mean?” And then silence. Everything froze. She stammered, trying to claw her way out of a hole she’d just dug, but it was too late. I had already dragged her into my favorite arena the land of prolonged, unbearable discomfort. Because if nothing else, I will make everyone uncomfortable. I will sit in the silence. I will let the moment rot. as her face twitched, her little lip trembled. and I smiled. Smiling the kind of stupid smile only a “cupcake” could wear. in that moment, I realized maybe she was onto something. YES. Maybe I am a cupcake after all. Sweet on the outside, but deadly if you choke on me.

Heli Leaves Mini Dress

FARM Rio

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Size Worn: XS

Usual Size: 0

Height: 5' 5"

Weight: 125lbs

I wore this dress and it was a fantastic night. The twins were sitting high and proud on my chest, practically in salute. I floated into the banquet hall like the belle of the ball, gliding toward my table with the grace of a woman who knows she looks borderline untouchable. I sat down, elegantly, like I was born to hold court. And that’s exactly what I did. I was making conversation, so charming, so witty, practically intoxicating. Minds? Captivated. Hearts? Stolen. I was serving charisma on a silver platter. And then… I leaned in, smiled sweetly, and with all the misplaced confidence in the world, I delivered: “Well, you know what they say… all Tiffanys are a little crazy.” The table chuckled except for the woman seated beside me. She turned her head, ever so slowly, with the icy stillness of a Victorian ghost. Her eyes locked on mine. My stomach dropped to my knees. My lips pressed shut, my heart praying. Then, barely above a whisper, I asked “…Your name is Tiffany, isn’t it?” At that moment, my size 8 foot was jammed so deeply down my throat I was almost completely rendered speechless. But then, because I am nothing if not resourceful decided to commit. Stand firm and send it all the way. I smiled, raised my glass, and said “… a Tiffany toast! to crazy nights, crazier stories, and the kind of chaos you never recover from. May all Tiffanys remain delightfully unhinged, and may I keep my foot exactly where it belongs, on the dance floor, not in my mouth.” And the table exploded. Tiffany herself burst into laughter. My impending shame transformed into legend. For the rest of the night, she and I were inseparable. We took tequila shots together, slow-danced to Whitney Houston, and by the end of the reception, she was introducing me to strangers as her “new best friend.

Embroidered Sequin Dress

Marchesa Notte

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Size Worn: 0

Usual Size: 0

Height: 5' 5"

Weight: 125lbs

My sister calls me on Thursday randomly “Hey, I’m getting married. On Saturday. Wanna come?” Obviously, I went. Partly to support her, but mostly because I had to see if WHO she was marrying, was it human man, one night stand, or like…the guy from her old vape shop? This dress I wore? It clung to my body hanging on for dear life. As the day progressed it started to losen its grip, slowly giving up. By the end of the night it was basically a blanket with straps, existing around me out of obligation, sick and tired of putting up with my tomfoolery. But overall 10/10 dress would recommend for your sisters second wedding

Crochet Flare Midi Dress

Derek Lam 10 Crosby x RTR

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Size Worn: XS

Usual Size: 0

Height: 5' 5"

Weight: 125lbs

It gives 50s stay at home wife and I’m here for it.

Lace Shirt Dress

Badgley Mischka

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Size Worn: 0

Usual Size: 0

Height: 5' 5"

Weight: 125lbs

The shoulder straps very stretched

Dana Dress

Staud

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Size Worn: XS

Usual Size: 0

Height: 5' 5"

Weight: 125lbs

But maybe for you

Gillian Satin Slip Dress

Lilly Pulitzer

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Size Worn: 0

Usual Size: 0

Height: 5' 5"

Weight: 125lbs

Nice

Dress in Crêpe Scarf Print

Moschino Jeans

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Size Worn: 38

Usual Size: 0

Height: 5' 5"

Weight: 125lbs

A lot of material size down

Lindsey Dress

A.L.C.

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Size Worn: 2

Usual Size: 0

Height: 5' 5"

Weight: 125lbs

Love

Kaydence Dress

Shoshanna

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Size Worn: 2

Usual Size: 0

Height: 5' 5"

Weight: 125lbs

Love this and the material

Crewneck Midi Dress

Marni

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Size Worn: 38

Usual Size: 0

Height: 5' 5"

Weight: 125lbs

The material and cut were bulky and not as elegant as the price reflected

Navy Highneck Ruched Dress

Adam Lippes

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Size Worn: 0R

Usual Size: 0

Height: 5' 5"

Weight: 125lbs

I had high expectations basked on price. It was cool but not what I expected

Zipper Detail Dress

Monse

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Size Worn: XS

Usual Size: 0

Height: 5' 5"

Weight: 125lbs

But it was soooo cool

Ride Off Faux Leather Jacket

BLANKNYC

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Size Worn: XS

Usual Size: 0

Height: 5' 5"

Weight: 125lbs

I'm 5'5 124 pounds and this paid me no compliments lol

Satin Midi Slip Dress

Polo Ralph Lauren

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Size Worn: 0

Usual Size: 0

Height: 5' 5"

Weight: 125lbs

Fine

Sylvie Romper

Black Halo

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Size Worn: 2

Usual Size: 0

Height: 5' 5"

Weight: 125lbs